Integrate Inspiration and Assertiveness – Increase Your Leadership Impact

Summary/TL;DR

Leaders often feel they must choose between being inspirational or assertive, but real leadership impact comes from blending both. This article shares the story of Kumar, a senior director known for his warmth and positivity, who struggled to hold cross-team peers accountable. Through executive coaching, he discovered that inspiration and assertiveness are not conflicting traits but complementary strengths. By combining clear communication, early alignment, and trust-building, Kumar unlocked greater influence and effectiveness across teams. If you’re navigating cross-functional challenges, this story offers a roadmap for leading with both connection and clarity to drive meaningful, sustainable results.

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A Leader’s Struggle to Cross-Functional Team Influence

Kumar, a senior director at a global manufacturing company, was known for his warmth, optimism, and the ability to light up any room. His peers affectionately called him the “ray of sunshine,” and his team appreciated his caring and motivational leadership style. On paper, Kumar had it all: a well-respected role, a high-performing team, and excellent peer relationships.

And yet, he found himself stuck.

Despite his influence within his direct team, Kumar struggled to get other teams to deliver on commitments that directly affected his team’s success. His requests were often met with vague affirmations, but little follow-through. Repeated reminders felt awkward. And when things didn’t move, his only recourse seemed to be escalation, which rarely led to sustainable change.

This frustration brought Kumar to executive coaching.

“I don’t want to lose my leadership style,” he told me, “but I also need people to follow through. Otherwise, I’m the one constantly cleaning up.”

What Kumar experienced is quite common, especially among leaders who are naturally relational, encouraging, and motivational. The idea of being assertive or demanding feels in conflict with their core values. But through coaching, Kumar discovered something surprising:

Inspiring and assertive are not opposites—they are complementary leadership strengths.

Understanding the Real Challenge: When Inspiration Isn’t Enough

When we dug deeper into Kumar’s way of thinking, a few core patterns emerged. Kumar held an underlying belief: asking for too much would disappoint others or damage relationships. He valued harmony and tended to avoid conflict. And he operated from a mindset that each team independently owned their area, without understanding a shared goal across functions.

This belief system wasn’t unique to Kumar. Many emotionally intelligent leaders struggle to balance empathy with clarity. The fear of being perceived as “pushy” or “difficult” prevents them from asserting their needs, even when it’s essential for organizational success.

Here are a few common pitfalls leaders like Kumar face:

• Surprise requests: When stakeholders hear an ask late in the game, they feel pressure and become defensive.
  
• Lack of shared vision: If people don’t see how the ask connects to a goal they care about, they hesitate and deprioritize it to reduce the discomfort.
  
• Weak relational capital: Without trust, people are more likely to ignore or delay action on cross-team asks.
  

The Shift: From “Nice” to “Effective”

Over time, Kumar built a new mindset, guided by this core truth:

Leadership effectiveness doesn’t come from choosing between being inspirational or assertive—it comes from integrating the two.

He began by strengthening three practices:

1. Strategic Alignment Early On
   Instead of waiting until the last minute to make a request or reminder, Kumar started engaging key stakeholders early in the planning process. He invited their input, shared context, and aligned on shared success metrics. That made his later requests feel collaborative, not transactional.
   
2. Clear, Values-Aligned Communication
   He practiced framing his requests with both clarity and shared purpose. For example:
   “If your team delivers this piece on time, it helps both our teams hit our milestones and strengthen our joint reputation.”
   This kept the tone relational while making the ask unambiguous.
   
3. Relationship Building as a Strategic Tool
   Rather than only connecting with peers when he needed something, Kumar started investing time in ongoing, trust-building conversations. A simple 15-minute check-in every few weeks helped him build goodwill—and gave him insights into the other team’s pressures and priorities.
   

These small but powerful shifts enabled Kumar to step into a more empowered leadership style, without losing the essence of who he was.

Coaching Insight: It’s a Recipe, Not a Single Ingredient

Many leaders think they have to double down on a single strength—be the motivator, the enforcer, the visionary. But real leadership impact is like a well-cooked meal. You need the right balance of ingredients: warmth, clarity, creativity, discipline, and timing.

“I feel freer,” Kumar told me. “I used to hesitate to speak up, feeling afraid of a negative reaction. Now I know I can speak my mind and still keep the relationship strong.”

That shift didn’t just change how he felt. It had a measurable business impact.

• His cross-functional partners became more responsive.
  
• His team’s delivery metrics improved.
  
• His “team health” survey results jumped by 8 points.
  
• He was invited to share his leadership journey at a company-wide all-hands.
  

What Kumar’s Story Teaches Us About Impactful Leadership

If you’re a senior leader—or aspiring to become one—Kumar’s story offers key takeaways:

• Don’t let strengths become limitations. Being inspiring doesn’t mean avoiding accountability. Being assertive doesn’t mean being harsh.
  
• Early alignment beats last-minute pressure. Bring people into the process sooner. Clarity builds commitment.
  
• Build relationships before you need them. Trust is like a bank account—you have to deposit before you withdraw.
  
• Connect with Shared Purpose. Always tie your asks to a shared purpose, not just your team’s needs.
  
• “Clear is Kind”- Brene Brown. Contrary to popular belief, making clear asks helps more than being quiet or vague.
  

Leadership Is a Continuous Improvement—Not A Personality Type

Kumar didn’t change his core personality; he expanded it.

He still motivates people. He still lights up rooms. But now, he does it while also driving accountability, setting boundaries, and ensuring follow-through. That’s what makes him effective—and respected—across the organization.  In other words, he balanced between people-driven and result-driven character strengths, as I described in my other article. The original instrument behind this model can be found here.

And this is the heart of leadership development: it’s not about fixing who you are. It’s about learning how to apply your strengths in ways that are intentional, balanced, and impactful.

Final Thoughts: What Leadership Impact Do You Want to Create?

Kumar’s story is just one example of what’s possible when you learn to lead with both heart and backbone.

In today’s complex workplace, influence without authority is a daily challenge. Results require collaboration. And collaboration requires both trust and clarity.

So ask yourself:

• Where might I be overusing one strength and underusing another?
  
• Am I clear enough when I make requests, or am I hoping people will “just get it”?
  
• Do I engage others with shared purpose, or fall into “us vs. them” thinking?
  

The next level of leadership isn’t about becoming someone else. It’s about becoming more of your best self, on purpose.

Would you like help uncovering your leadership strengths—and learning how to apply them more effectively? Let’s connect to learn how Executive coaching can help you step into the leader your team needs now.

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Related: Direct Communication Doesn’t Have To Be Hurtful

The feature image is from Pixabay.com