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Communication, Emotional Intelligence, EQ, Executive Presence, Happiness, Self-leadership, Stress Management, Work-life integration
Why the Advice to “Set Boundaries” is Hard to Follow—and What to Do Instead
“Set a boundary.”“Just say no.”“No is a complete sentence.” Every time I hear this well-meaning advice, I cringe. It sounds simple, but taken literally, it feels like I’m being told to be rude in order to protect myself. For someone who values kindness and relationships, this advice feels like a contradiction. How can I honor myself if it means dishonoring my values? I know many of us feel the same way. There are cultural and personal maturity factors at play, and a one-size-fits-all solution simply doesn’t work. Over time, I’ve developed a more authentic approach to setting healthy boundaries—one that allows me to respect my values while still taking care…
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Career satisfaction, Communication, Executive Presence, Happiness, Leadership, Personal Brand, Self-leadership
Is “Authenticity” Backfiring On You? Here Is Why
During a meeting, Prakash, a Vice President, expressed frustration with his team’s lack of progress. This cost him a promotion. Theresa, a senior developer at a tech firm, was encouraged to be authentic at work. Taking this to heart, she started to express her opinions passionately. However, her colleagues perceived her openness as naysaying, alienating her from the rest of the team. Jim, a product manager, felt alone because he advocated for what he believed was the right quality bar, while others stayed quiet, seemingly content with “mediocre” standards. What do these three stories have in common? Each individual believed they were being authentic by sharing their true thoughts and…
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Applying Engineering Principles To Solve People Issues
Ron, an engineering manager, faced a persistent challenge with one of his direct reports, Jackson. Jackson’s behavior left Ron questioning his motivation and even his competency. Despite Jackson’s belief that he was doing well, Ron and others saw things differently. Struggling to address this without creating conflict, Ron resorted to giving indirect advice about being more patient and a team player, but nothing seemed to work. Sound familiar? Many engineering managers encounter similar struggles. The core of the issue often lies in: “How do I provide feedback that the other person will accept and act on?” While common feedback strategies like being timely and actionable are important, there’s another highly…
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Hesitating Challenging Others? Try These Five Graceful Steps
George, a VP at a Fortune 500 company, had a reputation for being insightful yet reserved. Despite his analytical prowess and humble personality, he often found himself silent during crucial meetings, especially when senior leaders were present. Feedback from his peers highlighted this issue: George wasn’t speaking up. When I asked George about his hesitation, he shared his worry of coming across as negative. He could easily sense when something wasn’t right, but voicing his concerns felt risky. Avoiding conflict had been his strategy for a while, but now it was hindering his growth. To help George overcome this challenge, we devised a practical strategy to enable him to express…
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5 Barriers To Effective Listening
In today’s ever-evolving landscape, effective listening has emerged as a crucial skill for leaders. Yet, it remains a challenge for many. What stands in the way? While lack of trust, negative stereotypes, superiority, fear, and ego are significant barriers, other subtler tendencies hinder us even in more favorable environments. In this article, I delve into these subtle ones, which diminish listening for even well-meaning individuals in living rooms, boardrooms, and Zoom meetings. 1: Under time pressure When you feel you are under time pressure, you rush to respond without taking the time to understand the speaker’s intention or state of mind. 2: Fractional listening You listen as much as you…
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Communication, Emotional Intelligence, Executive Presence, Leadership, Self-leadership, Success Strategy
Navigating a New Boss? Trust the Leader in You
Susan has been a valued member of the company for quite some time. However, the arrival of a new boss has brought unexpected challenges. This leader, who is reserved and prefers pushing their agenda without much dialogue, has left Susan feeling as though she must prove herself once again. The weight of this challenge is draining, and Susan finds herself unsure if she has the energy to overcome yet another hurdle. This scenario is all too familiar, a narrative I often encounter. While leaders are responsible for fostering engagement and validation within their teams, it’s essential to remember that we also hold power and responsibility in improving relationships. Susan’s sense…
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Struggling to Align Your Team? Embrace the Power of Open Listening
Phillip recently got a new assignment involving leading a change initiative in a new region. While very excited about the career growth opportunity, he soon realized that the team was resistant to his leadership. Despite his proven track record of success, he struggles to gain traction and alignment within the group. Compounding his professional challenges, Phillip is also navigating personal transitions, feeling unsettled in a new town without adequate social support. He thought he had connected with the team; he knew about their families and always asked them about their well-being before getting to business. Despite his efforts, he faces resistance. His team perceives him as moving too quickly and…
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How to Approach Difficult Conversations When It’s Uncomfortable
Are you dreading a challenging conversation, particularly in a work setting? Do you fear that it might not go as planned? You’re certainly not alone; many of us share this apprehension. Based on the experiences of my clients, here are some common reasons for avoiding difficult conversations: Consider the skill of difficult conversation as a learning process akin to learning how to play the piano. Just as a beginner can’t effortlessly play an entire song, you may not handle difficult conversations smoothly initially. However, with preparation and discipline, you can gradually navigate these conversations, even if the experience isn’t always seamless. As you continue to prepare and apply your learning…
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Intimidating to Inspiring: How A Tech Leader Solved The Approachability Problem
Vlad (not his real name), a seasoned tech leader, received feedback that some team members found him intimidating – hindering them from seeking his guidance. His management urged him to work on his approachability. Vlad cared deeply about product and design quality and was passionate about solving complex problems. However, he didn’t particularly enjoy attending meetings and providing feedback, which was expected of him as a senior technical person on the team. So during those meetings, he appeared reluctantly and often conveyed his feedback quite abruptly, leaving others perplexed and frustrated. Anyone with average empathy would understand that how you communicate is as important, if not more, than the actual…
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Direct Communication Doesn’t Have To Be Hurtful
Stuart, a mid-level leader at a corporate, came to me as he wanted to be more approachable. “I am very direct, but people take it negatively.” I want to influence without causing animosity. Megan, a director at a non-profit, had difficulty giving corrective feedback; she worried the recipient might get hurt, so she used a long-winded way that often got lost in translation. Stuart and Megan had limiting beliefs that direct and kind can’t happen simultaneously; you have to choose one or the other. But Brene Brown taught us, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind”. Brene Brown The purpose of direct communication is to convey the message as clearly as…
