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Direct Communication Doesn’t Have To Be Hurtful
Stuart, a mid-level leader at a corporate, came to me as he wanted to be more approachable. “I am very direct, but people take it negatively.” I want to influence without causing animosity. Megan, a director at a non-profit, had difficulty giving corrective feedback; she worried the recipient might get hurt, so she used a long-winded way that often got lost in translation. Stuart and Megan had limiting beliefs that direct and kind can’t happen simultaneously; you have to choose one or the other. But Brene Brown taught us, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind”. Brene Brown The purpose of direct communication is to convey the message as clearly as…
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What Can We Learn From Will Smith’s Oscar Debacle
[I originally wrote this after the Oscars last year (March 2022).] Since the Oscars, my newsfeed has been flooded with the news and commentary about Will Smith slapping Chris Rock on stage when he made a rather insensitive joke about Will’s wife, Jada. Smith later apologized to Rock. “I was out of line, and I was wrong. I am embarrassed, and my actions were not indicative of the man I want to be. There is no place for violence in a world of love and kindness… I am a work in progress.” While this is celebrity news, we can relate to such incidents. Maybe not every one of us gets…
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What Simone Biles, Jacinda Ardern, and Naomi Osaka Taught Us
Simone Biles, Jacinda Ardern, and Naomi Osaka share a common trait – they all made a courageous decision to quit, to say “no” despite the societal pressure to keep pushing forward, even when at the peak of their careers. Jacinda Ardern stated, “I no longer have enough in the tank to do the job justice,” Simon Biles said she was not in the right mental place to continue, and Naomi Osaka declined to face the press, saying it was “damaging to the mental health.” It requires a different kind of courage to say “No” and stop, especially when the prevailing culture tells us otherwise. Many people struggle to give themselves…
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Do You Dread Giving Feedback? There Is A Better Way.
Giving feedback is a regular part of a manager’s job responsibility, but most are uncomfortable. David Rock and his colleagues from the NeuroLeadership Institute wrote in this article, “Typical feedback conversations are about as pleasant as a root canal. Managers dread them because it’s often unclear what feedback the employee wants or needs. Employees dread them because even light criticism can feel like an assault on their status and credibility.” David Rock, The Neuroleadership Institute People want feedback. A feedback loop is what makes organisms survive on this earth. In a podcast, Oprah Winfrey mentioned that all her guests, including Beyonce and President Obama, asked her, “how did I do?”…
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A Smile is a Leadership Tool
I recently had a coaching session with a tech leader who expressed a strong desire to enhance his approachability. While he was committed to delivering high-quality products, he was aware that his intense focus on quality sometimes came across as inflexible and intimidating. As a coach, I work with various personalities, and my approach is to identify the strengths of each individual. So I was not surprised that he appeared stiff in our call, and I had to avoid being influenced by it. But as the call progressed, I noticed a positive shift in his demeanor. He seemed more relaxed and even had a smile on his face. I shared…
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Three Strategies That Reduced Stress for a Busy Executive
Sheela, a senior executive at a renowned Fortune 500 company, sought my coaching services to improve her quality of life. She said her demanding job was taking a toll on her. Early morning meetings disrupted her morning self-care routine, and recent layoffs added even more stress to her already crazy schedule. As a result, Sheela felt exhausted, overwhelmed, and helpless. Sheela’s story is all too common among high-achieving professionals. Running after work deliverables alone was no longer feeding her soul; she valued her relationships with her family, friends, and team. Balancing these different areas of her life became a challenge, but with coaching, Sheela could find a way to improve…
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Goal Setting Is Not Just A New Year Thing
My January was quite busy with returning from vacation (an international trip) and giving back-to-back corporate workshops. So the schedule was a bit tight, but the process of designing and delivering those workshops has been very fulfilling and meaningful for me. As I reflected, it hit me that I envisioned something like this about 8-9 years ago, and that vision is a reality now! Even though I delivered many webinars and workshops over the years, that original vision is still a powerful reminder. But, very rarely, we think of a goal like that. Especially during the beginning of the year, goals and resolutions are hyper-focus for many of us. The…
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Why Self-Promotion is Hard, And What To Do About It?
Recently, a friend and I talked about something she was anxious about. In the end, she felt much more relaxed and confident and said, “Thank you, Sharmin, you are so good.” I replied, “Yes, I am; I love helping people be their best, and thank you for noticing it.” If it were ten years ago, I would have said, “I didn’t do anything,” or some other self-diminishing version of it. It took me a lot of self-work to discover my strengths and own them unapologetically. That’s why I get passionate when clients come to me with the challenge, “I am not good at self-promotion; it is against my upbringing, but…
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My Podcast Interview: Resilience Inside and Out
Earlier this month, a fellow leadership coach, Nina Simonds invited me to her podcast, Let’s Get Real. Nina started this series in 2020 because, as she wrote, “I love having REAL conversations with people who inspire me. In my 20+ years as a leadership and relationship coach, I experience the most flow when I am learning in a community with others. Let’s Get Real is a place where my guests and I explore personal experiences that have been catalysts for our own growth. We also explore and share some of the tools that help us see others more fully and give us the confidence to lead and love well.” In…
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From High Achiever to a Leader: It’s a Mindset Shift
Stephan was a VP of a Fortune 200 company. He was one of the top performers and indispensable for high stake projects. As a result, he was stretched thin; and had no downtime. He tried to delegate to his team, but unfortunately, he had to jump in when things got tough. It was unsustainable and unscalable for him and the organization. That is when he looked for a coach. I summarized his learning journey in the sections below. Start with Selfcare On our first meeting, I noticed that Stephan looked sleep deprived. However, he also candidly admitted that he had so much to do and so few resources that working…
