[Key point: I have described how vision focus works as a great parenting tool for me. It not only helps to manage the current situation more gracefully, it gives a greater clarity and builds a more sustainable foundation for the future.]
A typical one: “How can I teach my 8 year old to be responsible enough to keep his room clean”? I candidly admit that it is a work in progress for me as well.
I follow the same principle: “Shift from Problems, Focus on your long term Vision”. If you are having a strong negative reaction regarding something, notice that and take a pause before taking any action.
For this particular example of the messy room of your child:
- Go to a neutral place, do a few deep breathing.
- Imagine your child is cleaning his room alright (the problem is not there at all)
- What do you really care in the long run (10-20 years)? Imagine what will make you proud and successful as a parent? Also useful to notice:
What is the real reason for your strong reaction? Failure as a parent, being afraid that your child will not be as successful in his life could be some. A client of mine told me that her biggest fear was that, “my son will be just like his Dad”!
- Once you are here, you are in touch with your vision, you have more positive feelings (notice that in your body). Now you are in a better position to come up with an action from a more creative place.
- Take a small step – Have a conversation with the little guy as you hold him whole, capable and resourceful.
Every time I give this seminar or even work on the content it helps as a great reminder for me. This morning when my 4th grader was almost late for school once again, I was getting impatient. But then I was able to pause. Instead of rushing and creating the stress for both of us, I connected with my vision.
While doing her pony tails, I told her this: “Being late for the school once in a while is not that bad. What we are doing here is helping you build a useful habit. When it’s really critical to be on time you will be all ready for it”. “Ok, from tomorrow I will wake up earlier then“- she uttered from a calm, grounded place and headed out for her day at the school.