Leading by Letting Go: Leadership Lessons As a Parent

Summary: In this heartfelt reflection on my daughter’s college graduation, I explored the deep parallels between parenting and leadership. Through personal stories, I shared three powerful lessons: empowering others to lead their journey, embracing the strength of community, and mastering the art of letting go. The piece reveals how executive coaching—like parenting—is not about control, but about guiding growth with trust, presence, and compassion.

This past week, I watched my daughter formally receive her bachelor’s degree from New York University. As I reflected on her journey, I realized the deep connection between leadership and parenting. It was one of those moments where time folds in on itself—the tiny child who once needed help tying her shoes now striding confidently into adulthood.

I felt joy, pride, and a deep, unexpected sadness. Graduation isn’t just an ending for our children; it’s a new beginning. It’s a milestone for parents, too—a reminder that our most important job was never to control the journey but to coach them through it and lead from behind.

As I reflected on the past four years—and the many years before that—I realized that parenting, at its core, has taught me more about leadership and coaching than any boardroom, strategy session, or executive retreat.

Here are the three lessons that stood out the most.

1. Follow Their Lead—It’s Their Journey, Not Yours

Early in my daughter’s life, I often struggled with uncertainty. She had trouble staying on top of her schoolwork. Her room was messy. The conventional signs of “progress” and “maturity” weren’t always there.

I told myself she’d grow into it—and when she didn’t by fifth grade, I started to panic. I had to confront a fear many leaders face: What if my experiment fails? What if trusting her autonomy was the wrong move?

So when she told us she wanted to enroll in the rigorous International Baccalaureate (IB) program in high school, I hesitated. At the open house, I asked the principal about backup plans. I wasn’t trying to doubt her—I was trying to protect her.

Later, when she decided she wanted to attend NYU, I felt the same resistance. The cost, the distance, the pressure—it was a lot. But she gave us time to decide. She made her case and waited. And eventually, we said yes.

Leadership lesson: True leaders don’t dictate—they empower. They ask questions, provide guidance, but ultimately trust others to make decisions. Coaching isn’t about giving the answer—it’s about helping others discover it for themselves.

2. Leadership Isn’t a Solo Sport—It Takes a Village

My husband and I are immigrants. We had very little experience with raising a college student in the U.S. When we went to grad school, we did everything on our own. So we assumed our daughter would too.

But something beautiful happened—she didn’t do it alone. She built her own support network.

She made close friends early on and moved into an off-campus apartment with two other students. Their moms were much more proactive and organized than I was, especially with logistics like moving, travel, and apartment coordination. They had different strengths, and I chose to learn from them instead of feeling insecure. It became a shared leadership experience.

She also maintained a deep friendship with someone she had met playing Minecraft in middle school—a relationship that became a key pillar of emotional support. That family lived nearby and became another part of her village.

Leadership and coaching insight: Strong leaders know when to delegate, collaborate, and ask for help. Community is not a crutch—it’s a strength. Great coaches help people build their networks, not just their résumés.

3. Letting Go Is Active, Not Passive—And It’s Essential to Growth

Some of the most challenging moments also taught me the most about leadership under pressure.

When she called in a panic after losing her wallet on the subway on her way to a big test, my heart stopped. I couldn’t jump in and fix it. I couldn’t drive over or wire her a solution. When she was sick in the middle of her busy school time, nothing I could do to make her feel better immediately.

All I could do was breathe. Regulate my own emotions. Then help her do the same.

I’ve learned to ask a different kind of question in these moments:

“What do you need right now?”

That’s coaching. That’s emotional intelligence. That’s leading without taking over.

These are the real-life equivalents of crisis management, team breakdowns, and unexpected setbacks in the business world. And the leadership skills required to navigate them are the same: stay calm, be present, and empower the other person to find a way through.

The Credential Is the Byproduct—The Growth Is the Goal

College degrees are important. They represent effort, discipline, and accomplishment. But the real transformation doesn’t show up on a transcript. It shows up in how they solve problems, how they manage emotions, how they ask for help, and how they take initiative.

That’s the real graduation. That’s the actual milestone. And that’s true in leadership, too.

We often get caught up in deliverables, results, and KPIs. But the deeper markers of progress—resilience, adaptability, emotional maturity—don’t fit neatly on a dashboard. Yet they’re the qualities that define the best leaders and coaches.

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Final Reflection: Follow Their Lead

If I had to sum up the biggest takeaway from this experience, it would be this:

The greatest act of leadership is knowing when to follow.

Parenting has taught me that. Coaching has reinforced it. And leadership demands it daily.

Whether raising a child, guiding a team, or coaching an individual, sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is step aside, offer your trust, and let them lead the way.

Because growth happens not when we hold on tighter, but when we learn how to let go.

If this resonates with you, and you are ready to explore how executive coaching can help you become the leader who raises other leaders, let’s talk.