Summary: As a former software engineer turned executive coach, I often see parallels between debugging software and improving human behavior. Engineers follow a disciplined process to identify, investigate, and fix defects in code. Yet, when it comes to behavioral change, we often skip that rigor. In this post, I share how leaders can approach behavioral feedback with the same thoughtful curiosity used in engineering—starting with awareness, followed by investigation, and then meaningful change.

The Problem with Behavioral Feedback in Leadership

“Speak up more.”
“Be assertive, but don’t hurt relationships.”
“Don’t undermine others.”

You may have heard one or more of these phrases—perhaps in a performance review or a quick conversation after a meeting. They sound like guidance, but in reality, they are vague feedback. Without context, they leave the recipient confused, self-conscious, and unsure of how to improve.

If you’re naturally cautious, such advice can make you more hesitant. You might try to speak up, only to feel clumsy or misunderstood. The result? More feedback. More shame. Less confidence.

And if you’re on the assertive side, you may be told to “show more empathy,” without being shown how. You may try to tone things down, but feel awkward or inauthentic. You’re trying—but no one notices the effort.

Either way, the outcome is the same or even worse:

Poorly crafted feedback + premature action = worsened outcome.

And when things backfire, the person receiving the feedback is often blamed—not the vague process that created the problem.

A Better Way—Debugging Behavior Like a Software Bug

Imagine reporting a software bug: “The app doesn’t work when traffic is high.”
An experienced engineer wouldn’t rewrite the system immediately. Instead, they would:

• Reproduce the bug under different conditions
  
• Test with varied inputs to isolate the failure points
  
• Run stress tests to identify limits
  

Most importantly, they would avoid assumptions. They’d investigate system interactions, environment variables, and edge cases before designing a fix.

This same debugging mindset applies to leadership behaviors. When a behavioral pattern—like over-talking, shutting down, or avoiding conflict—isn’t working, don’t rush to correct it. Get curious. Investigate. Understand the conditions under which it occurs.

Real-Life Case Studies of Leadership “Bugs”

Case 1 – The Over-Explainer in Executive Meetings

• Bug: An engineering leader gave overly detailed answers in executive meetings.
  
• Root Cause: High-stakes questions triggered fear of being judged, leading him to over-explain as a defense mechanism.
  
• Fix: Reframed executive questions as requests for information, not threats. Practiced brevity and tested concise responses.
  
• Impact: Built a grounded, collaborative presence. Executives got clarity without overwhelm, and he felt more confident.
  

Case 2 – The Curt Senior Architect

• Bug: A senior software architect came across as curt, leaving colleagues feeling alienated.
  
• Root Cause: Emotional depletion. He enjoyed solving complex problems, but constant requests to fix others’ design issues left him drained and frustrated.
  
• Fix: Added joy-giving activities to his day. Shifted involvement by asking to be included earlier in the design process.
  
• Impact: Appeared more approachable and energized. Teams engaged with him more openly, and collaboration improved.
  

Related reading: From Abrasive to Authentic: Helping Tech Leaders Close the EQ–IQ Gap

A Framework for Giving Behavioral Feedback

As I’ve written before, vague feedback can backfire and even feel like weaponized feedback. Instead, treat giving feedback as a bug report.

Use CCL’s SBII model (Situation, Behavior, Impact, Inquiry):

• Situation: “In yesterday’s design review…”
  
• Behavior: “…you interrupted a peer twice.”
  
• Impact: “It made others less likely to contribute.”
  
• Inquiry: “Can you share what was going on for you?”
  

This invites reflection, not defensiveness. It shifts feedback from judgment to discovery.

Related reading: Do You Dread Giving Feedback? There Is A Better Way

A Mindset Shift for Feedback Receivers

As a recipient, notice your default reactions:

• Do you jump into explanation mode?
  
• Do you feel immediate shame?
  
• Do you try to fix everything at once?
  

These are typical responses, especially for high performers. But here’s the shift:

Feedback is not a verdict—it’s a request for an upgrade.

Instead of treating a threat, use it as data:

• When does this behavior show up?
  
• What conditions trigger it—stress, high stakes, certain people?
  
• What inner logic drives it?
  

Like debugging, start small. Test new behaviors in low-stakes environments. Observe. Refine.

Why Behavioral Bugs Often Stem from Legit Logic

Most behavioral “bugs” once served a useful purpose:

• Interrupting may come from eagerness to contribute.
  
• Over-explaining may stem from a desire to provide others with the full context.
  
• Staying quiet may come from valuing accuracy and integrity.
  

These aren’t random—they’re legacy solutions. In software terms, think of them as code that once worked well, but now causes side effects.

You don’t delete the code. You refactor it—preserving the intent while making it more adaptive for today’s context.

Related reading: Feeling Stuck in Mid-Level Leadership? Unlock Your Path to Senior Roles—Without Burnout

Executive Coaching Helps Leaders Upgrade with Intention

In coaching, I often refer to this process as “upgrading your inner operating system.”

The steps are much like debugging:

1. Reproduce the bug – Notice when and where it happens.
   
2. Find the root cause – Identify triggers and assumptions.
   
3. Craft a sustainable fix – Align the change with authenticity.
   
4. Test in low-stakes scenarios – Refine through practice.
   
5. Deploy in high-stakes situations – Apply with confidence.
   

Feedback isn’t a verdict—it’s a request for an upgrade.

Related reading: From Exhaustion to Empowerment: How Jessica Transformed Her Leadership Mindset

Final Thoughts—Treat Feedback as a Request for Upgrade

Behavior change isn’t a one-time fix. It’s a process of observation, experimentation, and refinement.

So whether you’re giving or receiving feedback, ask:

• Are we clear on what the “bug” really is?
  
• Have we investigated the conditions under which it occurs?
  
• How will we test the fix to ensure it works in different scenarios?
  

If you’re ready to debug a behavior that’s keeping you stuck, let’s talk.
Schedule a complimentary executive coaching session. Together, we’ll explore the “code” behind the behavior—and co-create a more grounded, effective version of you.

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Photo by Markus Spiske