Is “Authenticity” Backfiring On You? Here Is Why

During a meeting, Prakash, a Vice President, expressed frustration with his team’s lack of progress. This cost him a promotion.

Theresa, a senior developer at a tech firm, was encouraged to be authentic at work. Taking this to heart, she started to express her opinions passionately. However, her colleagues perceived her openness as naysaying, alienating her from the rest of the team.

Jim, a product manager, felt alone because he advocated for what he believed was the right quality bar, while others stayed quiet, seemingly content with “mediocre” standards.

What do these three stories have in common? Each individual believed they were being authentic by sharing their true thoughts and feelings, but it backfired. They wondered, “Why do organizations promote authenticity only to reprimand those who practice it”? The problem is misunderstanding what authenticity should look like in a professional setting—the difference between unfiltered honesty and respectfully sharing one’s perspective.

The path to an authentic life is self-development work. Unfortunately, when we are unaware, our unedited self-expression could impact others; that is where we have some work to do.

Here are some common reasons why well-intentioned individuals can come across as hurtful when they speak their truth.

Stress Reactions

In Prakash’s case, the stress from seeing the lack of progress caused him to react impulsively. Stress can cause us to lose our ability to balance between the focus on results and maintaining relationships, leading to undesirable consequences. Understanding our stress reaction and learning to regulate it is critical. Through regular mindfulness practice, Prakash improved his emotional awareness and regulation.

Negativity Bias

When we are overly focused on being “right” and having high standards, we may miss the broader context and the team’s health. Developing self-awareness about our biases and worldviews is a crucial starting point. I conducted an emotional intelligence assessment for Jim and discovered his negativity bias. While we can’t change it overnight, becoming aware allows us to pause, make different choices, and break habitual patterns.

I coached Jim on cultivating more joy in his life so he could lower his negativity bias, improve his empathy and compassion, and constructively advocate for high standards.

Cultural Differences

Cultural differences can make it challenging to balance authenticity with local norms. For example, the U.S. culture favors positivity and encouragement more than many other countries. Despite living in the U.S. for 15 years, Theresa, an immigrant from Eastern Europe, still finds it difficult to speak her mind without looking like a naysayer. Even within the U.S., moving between regions can result in cultural adjustments that feel like navigating an entirely different world. These subtleties can create misunderstandings and hurt people’s feelings and perceptions.

In addition to fostering cultural awareness, I coached Theresa on how to look for something positive before presenting her critical viewpoint. This helped her become more confident in expressing her opinion and a better team player.

Bottom Line

Theresa, Prakash, and Jim have all worked on enhancing their self-awareness and finding ways to express themselves authentically while being kind and respectful. Through this process, they gained insight into their identities, recognized their strengths, and identified the limiting beliefs, assumptions, or biases that prevent them from showing up as their best selves.

Michael F. Steger, the founder and director of the Center for Meaning and Purpose, wrote,

“Authenticity is a path of continual growth toward the best we can become, the most we can contribute, and the meaning that will make life worth living.”

 

Related resource: An HBR article: The Power of Talk: Who Gets Heard and Why

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Feature Image by wasi1370 from Pixabay.com