Overcome Setbacks Using 3As : Acknowledge, Analyze and Act

Peter has been feeling down for the past few days after learning he didn’t get the promotion he was counting on. The disappointment hit him hard, leaving him with a sense of defeat, like a profound loss or betrayal. This emotional weight has made it difficult for him to be fully present with his family despite their understanding.

Peter’s situation is one many of us can relate to. As adults, we all face setbacks from time to time. Our ability to navigate these challenges often hinges on our resilience. However, moving forward can be more manageable when we break it down into three key steps: Acknowledge, Analyze, and Act – the 3A model.

1. Acknowledge

A setback, whether a missed promotion, a failed project, or a personal disappointment, represents a loss. Feeling sad, frustrated, or even angry is normal—these emotions are essential to healing. However, it’s crucial to be aware of the “3Ps” identified by psychologist Martin Seligman, which can impede our recovery:

• Personalization – Believing that the setback is your fault, thinking, “This only happens to me. There must be something wrong with me.”
• Pervasiveness – Allowing one setback to overshadow all your achievements, thinking, “This failure ruins everything I’ve accomplished.”
• Permanence – Feeling like the situation will never improve, thinking, “I will never overcome this.”

On a typical day, we recognize that these thoughts aren’t true, but they can be too easy to fall into after a setback. So, how can we break free from this mindset? The first step is to acknowledge your feelings. Give yourself permission to experience disappointment or frustration. Practicing self-care during this time is essential—whether through mindful breathing, walking in nature, light exercising, or talking with a friend. These activities can help you process your emotions and start the journey toward healing.

2. Analyze

Once the initial emotional intensity subsides, it’s time to reflect. Start by asking yourself: How often do these setbacks happen? Is this an isolated incident, or could it be part of a larger pattern? Sharing your thoughts with a trusted friend, mentor, or coach can provide valuable clarity and an external perspective. However, if you notice a pattern or areas for improvement, it’s worth considering actionable steps to address them.

Take, for instance, Peter’s experience of being denied a promotion. Some of the feedback he received felt unfair, and he suspected that bias might have played a role. However, after we discussed his situation, Peter recognized that while exploring new job opportunities might be an option, he could also use this time for personal growth. He identified conflict management as an area where he could improve—something the feedback had highlighted. This realization opened the door for meaningful self-improvement, turning a setback into an opportunity for growth.

3. Act

After thoroughly analyzing the situation and allowing the initial emotional storm to settle, decisive action is crucial. This is where a well-thought-out plan, combined with accountability, becomes critical.

Peter focused on improving his conflict management skills, seeking the support of his manager, and engaging in professional coaching. Within six months, his progress was undeniable—both his team and his manager took notice. Peter received multiple offers for higher-level roles from several companies the following year. While the promotion was undoubtedly rewarding, Peter discovered that his improved approach to conflict resolution had a profound impact. He became more composed and effective in challenging situations, advancing his career and leading to a much happier and more fulfilling professional life.

Earlier this year, I encountered a few rejections that, while minor, took a toll on my confidence. So, I brought it up with my coach. That conversation proved invaluable—it offered me fresh insights and sparked new ideas. In hindsight, I’m thankful I took the time to pause and reflect. This experience helped me refine my skills and expanded my perspective.

 

Stacey Abrams, the first Black woman in U.S. history to be nominated by a major party for governor, said in her TED talk,

“How you respond to setbacks is what defines your character.” 

Setbacks can be daunting, but they also offer opportunities for growth and learning—even if that isn’t immediately apparent. Practicing self-compassion and extending grace to ourselves is an essential first step in turning setbacks into stepping stones for success.